mood, mental health 

I'm stepping back from this instance for a while. I've been a negative presence here recently, due to my too-slow epiphany that all post-hypnotic suggestions are role play and I'm essentially incapable of role play, my growing resentment of my subjects for role playing when I thought they weren't, and my seething hatred for every man who ever told me "fake it 'til you make it" in the last 35 years instead of "it's nothing but role play, go along with it and try to have fun". Maybe I might have been able to enjoy that, if any neurotypical hypnosis enthusiast had ever been capable of honesty with me. Or maybe I would have been disillusioned earlier and wasted less time on trying to make something happen that never would because it's not actually real. The whole hypnoguys "cash fag" thing and its admin's constant "trance and tell" behavior certainly didn't help maintain my interest, but in the end it's just (some of) my own illusions that have fallen. Everyone else's seem to be intact, and deliberately, willfully so.

Either way, even seeing people from my deep, distant BBS past start to show up (hi Dalhyp, I probably wasn't using this name when we last interacted) hasn't quelled the feeling that if I ever belonged here, I no longer do. Good luck to those who possess working imaginations. I'm bitterly jealous of you.

Yeah, that about sums up my experience. (From our should-have-been houseboy, who's used a weighted autism blanket his whole life and is almost nonverbal, but was never diagnosed either.)

I suppose I should have realized I wouldn't be a good hypnosis subject when I got taken to Plimoth (sic) Plantation at about age 7 and got in trouble for repeatedly and persistently asking the employees, who are/were required to remain in character the whole time, what their actual names were and where they actually slept at night. But I wouldn't have known, because I had no idea it was exactly the same process except for money being the motivator rather than recreation or self-help.

Not that there's no one for whom money is a motivator when it comes to hypnosis. Seems there's an entire industry aimed at those who either haven't learned yet, don't care and enjoy it anyway, or are able to compartmentalize around it.

nsfw? 

Fuck me, I just caught myself writing (to a cute someone on the literal other side of the world who casually calls me sir) in the voice -- er, typing style, but his speech patterns were similar only with the most amazing brogue -- of my first hypnotist. Had to stop myself from using multiple punctuation marks in a row.

I guess we do all become our parent...al substitutes eventually. Now all I need is to get SUPER condescending (while remaining tender... yes, somehow he always did.)

kink, intimacy, covid 

Levels of intimacy for me before covid, least to greatest:

Handshake
Blow job
Musical collaboration
Hypnosis

Post-covid:

Blow job
Musical collaboration
Handshake
Hypnosis

(I've actually not done a single one of those things since this started, though I'm pleased to have received blow jobs from the person with whom I'm most intimate. But this is my sense of where they land now.)

@HabitEXE We just got to a point in one of the Borderlands 3 DLCs where an enormous death bot has had a much smaller robot's personality installed, who's horrified at the idea of facing enemies, so they install an obedience module.

"Okay, now go hold up that giant beam that's keeping us all from being crushed."

"What? No! Are you kidding? That sounds danger--COMMAND ACCEPTED. Noooo! I can't stop!"

Badly paraphrased, yes, but I immediately thought of you.

Well, from here the new instance is developing exactly as I'd expected: the owner uses it to drum up more business for himself and most of the content there is his clients talking him up.

So, no, I don't really have a hypno home. Not a new feeling for a bi guy in the kink world. Go to bars, get exposed to drunks who do potentially harmful things. Stay on the internet, I get to choose between a gender-free zone and one guy's quasi-medical business.

At least I feel safer on this one.

Even tried talking with my therapist about my kink life involving hypnosis a couple times. He shut me down and changed the subject each time. I got the feeling it was a thread he didn't want to pull, either.

I mean, I don't want to unravel society, but I want to pull EVERY fucking loose thread and find out what it means. This is how my brain works. That I managed to go until my 40s before revisiting the "is hypnosis real" question should indicate how badly I wanted the answer to be yes for me.

It's hard to work through this stuff among other hypnosis fetishists, mainly because most others don't seem to have to. I often get a sense of "don't fuck this up for us". I don't want to fuck it up, but just as I don't want my wife to fake an orgasm, I don't want my subs to lie to me about what they're feeling... or anything else, ever.

@HabitEXE I've still been hypnotizing people since then, and it still makes me horny. I'm just still reeling from the loss of the illusion that I'll ever be a subject in any useful sense, and that the "reality" of it for my subs depends upon a part of their psychology that I simply don't have and can never comprehend. I wonder if Spanos was like me.

Show thread

@HabitEXE Basically, this guy I never heard of until today found what I began to suspect about 6 or 7 years ago, at which point I dismissed my last hypno-slave, feeling like I was perpetuating something fake (more than anything, I don't want to give some kid like I was -- read: undiagnosed autistic -- hope that hypnosis might unlock something inside them that helps them deal with the world better or allows them to actually become someone different and more useful): en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas

Great, so it looks like homophobic names are acceptable on the hypnoguys instance. And someone's openly doing findom. And it appears to be the admin.

Sorry, HH. I'm out. I had no idea the intersection of hypnosis and masculinity needed to include those things, and I don't want to be associated with them in any way.

Something that's been bugging me about hypnosis, ever since I was (to my regret) able to deconstruct the process internally, is this:

We use ”convincers” to facilitate trance. This is when we tell someone to perform an action, and when they perform that action, we call their attention to it and say something like, ”See? You've been hypnotized. Otherwise why would you have moved your hand that way?”

My answer 30 years ago, and now, is ”Because you told me it would put me in trance, jerk.”

I just used the term ”bi/pan”. They're not the same, but I'm pretty sure I'm both.

To me, ”pansexual” is a misnomer, because when people use it they mean they're attracted to both genders. But that's the meaning, and I'm attracted to people of varying (or no) genders.

However, you're pretty much born with either a penis and testicles, or a clitoris and vagina between your legs. A few people have both. I kinda wish I did, to be honest. Regardless, I like both sexes, too. So, ”bi/pan”.

drowsydawg boosted
drowsydawg boosted

Being mummified for an hour or two would be soo nice right about now

drowsydawg boosted

Nsfw genderfuck chastity 

Slutty lunchtime selfies.
Fuck the gender stereotypes.
Just because I like wearing these doesn't make me any less of a man 🥰

drowsydawg boosted
drowsydawg boosted

#nsfw #hypnosis #nerd 

(One occupational hazard of making things like this: The sessions have a random element, so I made 9 of them. Then I had to pick the best one.

”Mmmm, yeah, this one's hot, which number is it? Crap, better watch it again and try to remember which words it starts with... hmmm, but I liked the repetition in #3, better watch that again... oh god, I'm so fucking hard...”)

Show older
Triggerphrase

A Mastodon instance for the hypnosis community; 18+, queer, and getting very sleepy.