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'Don't gender me' means: 

- Gender is a bullshit structure that hurts me and everyone I care about. Do what you want with it, I don't care, just leave me out of it.
- Don't use gendered language to talk about me. No 'boy / girl', no 'masc / femme', no 'enby', no 'agender', no gendered terms like 'mistress', absolutely nothing. You don't need to refer to a gender when you're talking about me, ever, so don't.
- 'Non-binary' and 'trans' are both technically accurate, but they're labels I associate with for pragmatic reasons, not because I identify with them or their communities.
- If you have gender preferences for things (intimacy, romance, kink, etc.) don't try to involve me in them.
- Do not fuckin test me on this

long, 'Don't gender me' means: 

When I say I don't want to be involved in gender preferences, what I mean is that I don't want to play with people who exclusively express or experience attraction to people aligned with some subset of gender. I don't want to be scrutinized through that lens by someone I'm supposed to be enjoying getting close to.

I get that I am literally constantly being viewed that way by almost everyone all the time, that's how gender works, but I spend enough time suffering under that as it is, and would really prefer to not get involved with people who actively enjoy and pursue evaluating others in that way

That doesn't mean I'm going to pull anyone up for identifying with an orientation of some kind, absolutely not. It's not my business to prescribe who other people are attracted to. I also really don't care enough to do it, that sounds exhausting. I'm trying to deal with gender as little as possible here. It's just really tiring having to keep my guard up around people, and having it proven that I'm right to do so, over and over again

Like, if someone says they're attracted to men, I'm not a man, and don't want to be seen or treated like one. If someone says they're attracted to people who aren't men, well, now I have to worry about not doing whatever it is they don't like about men. What they're describing is a model of attraction that I do not fit into, so if attraction to me is expressed, either what they're saying is an incomplete picture (it's usually this) or they're seeing me in a way I don't want to be seen.

(Also, in case the above isn't clear, I am not non-binary either, so like, if your thing is 'women and enbies', you should be taking this especially seriously! Idc how you think gender works, it's the same problem)

The reason this keeps becoming an issue is because people keep treating me in ways that are intended to validate or rely on a gender that I do not have. I do not want to be feminine; I don't mind being things that people ascribe to femininity, but filling in around those things with a feminine ideal, or using feminine language to describe them is explicitly something I don't want. Also people keep calling me 'mistress' and it's pissing me off

If you honestly just like girls, go find someone who's happy being treated like a girls. If you truly don't like boys, go find someone who cares about not being a boys. I don't want to engage with those structures, period. I don't want to fill those roles. If you can genuinely put all that aside, great! Again, I am never gonna say no to someone purely anyone based on how they describe themselves. Just, like, idk, take it seriously when I say not to gender me, and the fullness of what that means.

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